Beginning in the Middle

I am starting this process in the middle of life, and yet I have known this for the past thirty years. This is a blog that has several purposes, of which the first has to do with the legacy I so desire to leave behind me. The interesting part about leaving a legacy is that you have to look forward to know what you want to leave behind you.

You will notice my family in the picture: Tina (my wife of 22 years), Zac (17), Luke (15), Shaina (12) and Jesse (10). These are the people I have decided to offer my life to in hopes that the one who offered his life to me is glorified. You see, I come from a home that lifted up Jesus as the source of life. Every week we would go to church, pray around the dinner table and even sing Christian songs of the day as mom played the piano. Somewhere along the way, though, something went wrong and a strong family unit became very broken. That is where my decision, a vow to myself if you will, started.

I married my best friend. Long before I popped the question, we would talk as friends and mention that we wanted to make sure our marriage lasted. We agreed that the only way this could happen was to build a marriage on the principles laid out in the Bible. The more we talked the more we found we were talking about our marriage to each other ~ besides, we were totally into each other! It was early on in our marriage, where we were totally into each other, that I realized that there is more to making a marriage last.

That is when I began to pray. Our one year was not over, and we were not in trouble by any means. However, I began to realize just how selfish I could be at any given point. So I began a prayer that I still pray today: Lord, help me to love Tina the way that she deserves. I knew that she was a gift to be treasured, but I was not on a level to know how to treasure such a gift and I needed help. Even now, as a pastor of twenty years, I still encourage those wishing to get married to learn that prayer and make it a passionate prayer.

We began to "start" our family, and soon a family of three turned into six. Once again, I realized how inept I was at truly leading a family. I did not have the stamina, know how, etcetera to love and lead the gifts that God had given to me. I struggled at times with frustration, with handling of money, and so many other things and so I asked the Lord what I needed to do. My prayer is still to love my wife the way she deserves; but I added more to the prayer. Lord, may all I do lead my kids into a strong faith in you.

Our kids are growing up fast, and one will actually leave for college this year. As I look back, I have been truthful with my kids about my desire, my goal for a legacy ~ to live my life in such a way that you find your faith in God strong and secure. I think that is what I see in Psalms 119. It is the longest chapter in the Bible, and found right in the middle of it as well. The key for me, as I read this morning, was the unwavering hunger the psalmist has for the words of God. This morning I could only smile as I read because I have that same kind of hunger; a hunger that reminds me that without God's word I can't lead or love in the way that leads to much of a legacy.